'Note to all who get their validation from work: the workaholic is the most accepted addict of all. In fact, he and she are celebrated. Why would you want to change when the bosses and society applaud you? Work is the great permissive addiction.'
One thing I’d like to push back on: “Happiness is a life where you feel good, sleep well, and are stress-free with minimal negative emotions.”
I don’t believe happiness has to be stress-free without negative emotions. Out of college I had a simple tech sales job. 35 hours of work per week. Easy breezy. Tons of free time to chill with friends on the beach in LA, kick it, enjoy life. I was happy.
Then I stumbled my way into founding a company. Suddenly I was working 80-90 hrs per week. Tons of moments of difficulty, challenge, stress. But I wasn’t working hard for material benefit. I was building a company that helped thousands start writing and live a more fulfilling life. This pure sense of mission fueled me through all-nighters and moments of difficulty. Yes, some amount of material reward came too. But I was deeply happy, despite the stress, because I was finally harnessing my full potential, building tight relationships with my cofounder and early employees who I cared about, and lit on fire by a beautiful sense of mission.
Between the two, I found a much richer happiness challenging myself and growing in an effort to improve the world just a bit, stress and all. Making money doesn’t have to always be motivated by external material rewards (in fact, sometimes it’s an incidental byproduct of pursuing a much higher calling). And a stress-free life of few negative emotions, while comfortable on the surface, left me feeling relatively unfulfilled, my full talents and energy underutilized.
Beautiful written and incisive. I re-stacked a few of the passages that stood out to me.
There’s a great quote by David Foster Wallace that comes to mind: “the ultimate way you and I get lucky is if you have some success early in life, you get to find out early it doesn't mean anything. Which means you get to start early the work of figuring out what does mean something.”
The truth about life that so many seem to miss is that happiness and wealth/achievement are attained in totally different ways.
Happiness does not require expensive things. You can feel happy watching a funny video with your spouse. These are the "simple things, like a sunny day, a walk in the park or the smell of freshly ground coffee first thing in the morning."
The trouble is that wealthy, successful people have convinced themselves that happiness comes from achieving more money, status, and power. While those things are important, you can also always have more and thus never truly feel satiated, unlike with the simple things that lead to happiness. And of course, the process of achieving more is much more stressful and difficult than doing the simple, happy things.
Great article. There is a lot of research that shows that once you are able to take care of your basic needs (shelter, food, etc.), your happiness is intrinsic, meaning a happy person will be happy and an unhappy person will be unhappy. They tracked lottery winners, which is an easy thing to do, and their level of happiness or unhappiness, after the initial euphoria wore off, returned to the prior level. That means—and that is good—that while more money is helpful, it won't bring you happiness. On average, we choose how happy or unhappy we are based on how we choose to look at the world. Changing that may require some work (philosophy, psychology, religion, etc.), but it is a choice.
Thank you for your article. This is something I've been thinking too for quite a while now. But I disagree that the unhappy rich person lives more in the external. Their achievements are all symbols that only make sense in that societal context, as you've said, they are stuck in the future and are missing the now.
For me that's a fundamental issue of self rumination. Instead of deeply engaging with the actual world around us, it is easy to fall into the trap of interacting with the symbols around us. The one million dollar handbag isn't a handbag, it is a status symbol, the ferrari isn't a car but a status symbol etc. The focus moves from what is actually there to what is symbolically there, it's a way of disconnecting from reality.
Acquiring wealth so you can have a certain level of freedom is a wonderful thing - it freed me up from a very different life. But most acquisition beyond that is about nothing but status. There is no end to that and the cause of much misery. But once you're on that ride people can't get off without a whole lot of reflection; and that's something people will avoid at all costs.
Very good article and reflections. I have observed similar things among my generational peers today in their early 50s. They have successful careers, houses, cars, savings, and yet they are emotionally screwed, with dysfunctional or broken marriages, trapped in their internal cycles and unable to see beyond their status quo. Even the most austere and moderate are unhappy. And as for me, well I have no career or success in anything, I never know what I will eat tomorrow and the only thing that keeps me "alive" in the collective is the internet. I am not happy either. O do astrology, please be a paid suscriber to my blog. Thanks.
'Note to all who get their validation from work: the workaholic is the most accepted addict of all. In fact, he and she are celebrated. Why would you want to change when the bosses and society applaud you? Work is the great permissive addiction.'
Fergal Keane
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5ye6d43rqwo.amp
Burkeman also suggested 'Most successful people are just a walking anxiety disorder harnessed for productivity.'
Nice insights. Thank you.
Fantastic as always! Having 'enough' is an actual superpower and takes a hell of a lot of discipline to break the ingrained scarcity mindset.
I'm reminded of the following anecdote:
Joseph Heller (author of “Catch 22”) and his friend went to a Billionaire’s party.
The friend turns to Heller and asks him: “How does it feel knowing that the host makes more money in one day than you’ve made from “Catch 22″?”.
Heller answers: “I have something our host will never have… I have enough”.
and also the following quote:
"The more pleasures a man captures, the more masters he will have to serve." //SENECA
Which could easily have been said 2000 years later in 'Fight Club' by Tylus Durdanius!
Nice quotes. Thank you :-)
Sold it all & quit the big job @43. Never a regret
Well written piece, thanks for this.
One thing I’d like to push back on: “Happiness is a life where you feel good, sleep well, and are stress-free with minimal negative emotions.”
I don’t believe happiness has to be stress-free without negative emotions. Out of college I had a simple tech sales job. 35 hours of work per week. Easy breezy. Tons of free time to chill with friends on the beach in LA, kick it, enjoy life. I was happy.
Then I stumbled my way into founding a company. Suddenly I was working 80-90 hrs per week. Tons of moments of difficulty, challenge, stress. But I wasn’t working hard for material benefit. I was building a company that helped thousands start writing and live a more fulfilling life. This pure sense of mission fueled me through all-nighters and moments of difficulty. Yes, some amount of material reward came too. But I was deeply happy, despite the stress, because I was finally harnessing my full potential, building tight relationships with my cofounder and early employees who I cared about, and lit on fire by a beautiful sense of mission.
Between the two, I found a much richer happiness challenging myself and growing in an effort to improve the world just a bit, stress and all. Making money doesn’t have to always be motivated by external material rewards (in fact, sometimes it’s an incidental byproduct of pursuing a much higher calling). And a stress-free life of few negative emotions, while comfortable on the surface, left me feeling relatively unfulfilled, my full talents and energy underutilized.
Beautiful written and incisive. I re-stacked a few of the passages that stood out to me.
There’s a great quote by David Foster Wallace that comes to mind: “the ultimate way you and I get lucky is if you have some success early in life, you get to find out early it doesn't mean anything. Which means you get to start early the work of figuring out what does mean something.”
Thank you, Adam, for the kind words, re-stacks and insightful quote :-)
The truth about life that so many seem to miss is that happiness and wealth/achievement are attained in totally different ways.
Happiness does not require expensive things. You can feel happy watching a funny video with your spouse. These are the "simple things, like a sunny day, a walk in the park or the smell of freshly ground coffee first thing in the morning."
The trouble is that wealthy, successful people have convinced themselves that happiness comes from achieving more money, status, and power. While those things are important, you can also always have more and thus never truly feel satiated, unlike with the simple things that lead to happiness. And of course, the process of achieving more is much more stressful and difficult than doing the simple, happy things.
Great article. There is a lot of research that shows that once you are able to take care of your basic needs (shelter, food, etc.), your happiness is intrinsic, meaning a happy person will be happy and an unhappy person will be unhappy. They tracked lottery winners, which is an easy thing to do, and their level of happiness or unhappiness, after the initial euphoria wore off, returned to the prior level. That means—and that is good—that while more money is helpful, it won't bring you happiness. On average, we choose how happy or unhappy we are based on how we choose to look at the world. Changing that may require some work (philosophy, psychology, religion, etc.), but it is a choice.
Thank you for your article. This is something I've been thinking too for quite a while now. But I disagree that the unhappy rich person lives more in the external. Their achievements are all symbols that only make sense in that societal context, as you've said, they are stuck in the future and are missing the now.
For me that's a fundamental issue of self rumination. Instead of deeply engaging with the actual world around us, it is easy to fall into the trap of interacting with the symbols around us. The one million dollar handbag isn't a handbag, it is a status symbol, the ferrari isn't a car but a status symbol etc. The focus moves from what is actually there to what is symbolically there, it's a way of disconnecting from reality.
Acquiring wealth so you can have a certain level of freedom is a wonderful thing - it freed me up from a very different life. But most acquisition beyond that is about nothing but status. There is no end to that and the cause of much misery. But once you're on that ride people can't get off without a whole lot of reflection; and that's something people will avoid at all costs.
Very good article and reflections. I have observed similar things among my generational peers today in their early 50s. They have successful careers, houses, cars, savings, and yet they are emotionally screwed, with dysfunctional or broken marriages, trapped in their internal cycles and unable to see beyond their status quo. Even the most austere and moderate are unhappy. And as for me, well I have no career or success in anything, I never know what I will eat tomorrow and the only thing that keeps me "alive" in the collective is the internet. I am not happy either. O do astrology, please be a paid suscriber to my blog. Thanks.
A theory on prioritising human energy over time and money: https://manageyourmindwellbeing.substack.com/p/energy-time-money-full-article?r=4ni5kb