Some of the most miserable people I know are some of the richest people in America

A quote from Chuck Norris

We work hard to get rich to buy stuff to be happy.

It’s an age-old saying that money can’t buy happiness, but few of us act as if we believe it, and why would we when the screens we’ve become subservient to tell us otherwise? One person who might believe it is Chuck Norris, who said, “Some of the most miserable people I know are some of the richest people in America; they are the most miserable individuals I’ve ever seen.”

The miserable people Chuck Norris refers to don’t necessarily represent the entire wealthy population. However, I do believe there are personality traits that help make you rich that come with associated characteristics that go against making you happy. For every action, there’s a reaction or put another way — there’s no such thing as a free lunch.

One strong opinion I have is that many rich people who have accumulated large sums of money struggle to feel satisfied. They have an unquenchable thirst. A constant hunger. There’s never enough. And that’s why they are so rich.

I was recently watching an interview on YouTube between Nicolai Tangen who is the CEO of the Norwegian wealth fund (with over $1.7 trillion in assets) and author Malcolm Gladwell. The interview had a diverse set of questions but the one that stood out to me was Tangen asking Gladwell, “Why do people at the top complain more than others?” It’s worth noting that the nature of Tangen’s work means he spends his days surrounded by some of the world’s richest people, so for Tangen to ask this question, you have to believe it’s a credible observation.

If you’re frequently complaining then it’s fair to assume you are not satisfied with life. This lack of satisfaction is more likely to make you driven and obsessive, which are excellent traits for building wealth but at the cost of contentment being elusive. In the Rich subreddit, there’s a post titled Why do you think many wealthy people seem to be unhappy? With over 900 replies, the consensus from those who claim to be wealthy or know wealthy people is that being “manic” helps with the accumulation of wealth but that it comes with the consequence of depressive episodes. Here are some cherry-picked replies:

I don’t know if I’m bipolar, but extreme anxiety pushed me to success. Now I can’t relax and enjoy it.

[My] older cousin who sells the shit out of his company's product in the luxury market. He'll go weeks on end in 5th gear for 80-100 hours per week, then takes time off when he collapses.

A college roommates dad soared thru college in 3 years and took over the family business and made it very very successful […] he would do the work of like 5 people for weeks on end, then smash down and wouldn't leave the house. He died at 60.

My dad was steady and hard working, but my mom is manic and struggles with addiction. She crushed it in real estate, but had many low points. Dad passed 8yrs ago and mom retired. She’s less happy now than ever bc she has nothing to chase, nothing to close and no fulfilment in the “win”.

All the high achievers I’ve worked with over the years are disciplined, organised, and highly driven by material gain. While the people I know who strike me as the happiest don’t have these attributes and although not successful in the monetary sense — they are happy and find enjoyment in simple things, like a sunny day, a walk in the park or the smell of freshly ground coffee first thing in the morning.

In the book Same as Ever, which is about a series of observations from life, there’s a chapter about unique people and how they are often special in one way but at the cost of being unspecial in another. In this chapter, we learn about John Boyd, who is considered to be “the greatest fighter pilot to ever live [and] is known as one of the most influential thinkers in military history”. However, at the same time, “He was rude. Erratic. Disobedient. Impatient. He screamed at his superiors to the astonishment of peers [and] in meetings he would chew calluses off his hands and spit the dead skin across the table.”

I’ve known people like John Boyd, who are incredibly smart and skilled at their work but unbearable to work with. On a similar note, there’s an endless list of extremely talented people who, on the surface, seem to have it all but suffer from depression, to name but a few: Lady Gaga, Jim Carrey, J. K. Rowling, Johnny Depp, Robin Williams, Stephen Fry, Elon Musk. To be talented in something requires a lot of dedication, stress, and perseverance, which can come at a cost.

I once worked for a CEO who reminded me a bit of Tony Robbins — an incredible communicator. You’d hear him talk and feel motivated and invigorated to knuckle down and drive sales for the company. This guy seemed like the real deal. But he wasn’t. After a couple of years, we all realised he was just hot air. All talk and no execution. High in EQ but low in IQ. Again, you can’t have it all. I can’t remember who said it and I paraphrase, but it goes along the lines that it’s often idiots that run our countries. The most qualified people are terrible at giving a speech, not that likeable and highly unelectable. It’s how we end up with dictators and megalomaniacs. They know how to talk, persuade and get the public behind them — doing anything of value is another story.

Talent comes at a cost. If you envy someone who has something you don’t — there’s a good chance they also have something you’d rather not have.

What’s the point of being rich?

Society sees the super-rich as the lucky ones. But are they? Is unnecessarily accumulating wealth no different to any other disorder that can’t be satisfied? Like the shopping addict who always needs something new, or the gym addict with body dysmorphia that feels constant dissatisfaction with their body regardless of how much time they spend in the gym.

Why is it that so many of us want more money than is necessary? It’s because of the material gains; the flash cars, the big houses, the exotic holidays and expensive clothes. But that’s not the essence. If you spend a fortune on a Ferrari, a mansion overlooking the ocean, or $1,000,000+ on a handbag (they exist) then at its core you are doing this in an attempt to feel good and increase your happiness— either from using/experiencing it and/or the status gained from showing it off.

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”

— Aristotle

Would you rather be a billionaire and sad or earn the median income and be happy?

People want to become rich not for material possessions but for immaterial emotions. They want wealth to buy stuff to be happy. No one would buy an Aston Martin if it made them sad. Some will be driven by the security that comes from wealth, but the goal is the same: to be happy.

The psychic weight of money

“Are we hardwired to crave more? From food and stuff to information and influence, why can't we ever get enough?” These are the questions from

Michael Easter

in his book, Scarcity Brain.

In the chapter about stuff, Laura Zerra is the central figure who once planned to be a doctor or veterinarian but a life-changing event in college made her think again. As Zerra describes it, “I had a really good friend who was amazing and smart and talented but she was so stressed out by exams and work. This was because she thought that the way you live the best life is to get good grades to get a job so you could do what you want on your weekends and vacations. My friend got so overwhelmed that she tried to commit suicide in college. I actually walked in and found her. It switched something in my brain where I wondered, what’s really important?” After this Zerra quit college and went on to become a survivalist and has since “travelled the world with nothing to her name for years”.

What stood out to me in this chapter was Zerra’s comments on the “psychic weight of money”. At one point while living as a survivalist she spent time travelling the world with billionaires and “noticed that the more people had, the less involved in the moment they seemed to be. They were more involved in the future. Doing and maintaining stuff and everything that came with it.”

There’s no doubt in my mind that wealth comes at a cost. Whether that’s your stock portfolio you worry about, or physical property and possessions — there’s stress that comes with it. The obvious counterargument is that having no money would be more stressful, which is true, but I’m referring to having more than is necessary. When you have too much, it comes with a psychic weight.

“Mo money, mo problems”

— The Notorious B.I.G.

When I think back to when I was working a job I didn’t enjoy — although I was much richer at the time — it came with a lot of underlying stress. My sleep was often poor which made me irritable for the day. And in my experience — being tired is worse than being hungover. It’s a miserable existence.

No amount of money is worth losing sleep over. By that, I mean that all the money in the world isn’t worth it if it comes at the cost of not sleeping properly.

Maybe you are different, however, the difference in how I feel when I have slept well versus poorly is like comparing night and day. When I wake up after a good night’s sleep and drink my first cup of coffee in the morning; the feeling I have, the positive energy I can sense is priceless. Excellent + energised versus melancholic + lethargic. In my book — mood over material possessions any day of the week.

If the health trackers we wear on our wrists that track our activity and sleep could somehow accurately tell us a happiness score out of 100, and in addition, we could compare that score with friends and celebrities then we would obsess over that number. It would be used to elevate our status as money is today. We’d all want to improve our score and make it into the top 1% of the population’s happy people. We’re fixated on wealth because it’s measurable whereas happiness is hidden, but if that curtain was unveiled and our happiness became public knowledge then it would have a seismic effect on how we live our lives.

Society focuses on the nonsubjective rich outer world and those with the most stuff because we cannot measure those with rich inner worlds.

Building a rich outer world often means working long hours, with anxiety and stress to boot. This goes against building a rich inner world, which requires good sleep, relaxation, and spending time with friends and family.

Life is full of trade-offs. To excel in one area often means sacrificing in another. It's like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole.

When we think about being wealthy, it’s usually the things that wealth can buy, the things we can see, touch and experience but ignore how we might feel inside — which ultimately is the all-important thing.

Here’s a final thought experiment for you: Imagine there are two peoples’ lives and you need to decide which one of them you will live for the rest of your life. To help make your choice, you get to experience what a typical day is like for both of them. The caveat is that you don’t get to see or hear anything — you only get to feel— so you experience their thoughts and emotions. For the first person, you experience stress and negative thinking which is the polar opposite of the second person where you feel content, well-rested and stress-free. Whose life do you choose? Unless you’re a masochist then it’s fair to assume you’d choose the second person. Now what if you’re told the first person is mega-rich and the second person isn’t but has enough to get by? Would you change your mind?

With all the media we consume, I’m convinced our visual senses mislead us. A happy life is not one with a bigger home, better holidays, or nicer clothes. It’s the things that aren’t depicted on Instagram or TikTok. It’s a life where you feel good, sleep well, and are stress-free with minimal negative emotions—things that money can’t buy and oftentimes the opposite of what too much money brings.

We are brainwashed and misled into focusing our lives around doing and having when in reality, a better life is all about feeling.